Going Through the Motions

I am staring again, into blank space, just before the white wall illuminated by a strong fluorescent light. Muddled thoughts fill my head but there is no direction in my contemplation. Another sign that I am in the middle of an uneventful stretch in life, devoid of any interest or enthusiasm, just going through the motions.

I am not bored, per se. In fact I have too much on my hands that I have trouble finding the starting point. Whether I should start by drafting the 5000 word Organisational Behaviour essay, to study French and to plan the debate cum speaking test that is happening in two weeks, or to revise for the Business Finance mid-semester test on Thursday or to attempt to understand Econometrics which seems to be drifting into obscurity. While struggling to decide, I usually end up watching an episode of Family Guy or random covers of songs on Youtube.

I just feel an overwhelming sense of laziness, and any willpower to change is quickly extinguished by the strong resistance to change, and before you know it I am lulled into the succour in being static. Time is just slipping away surreptitiously. Ask me how much time I have spent studying and I would fail badly at accounting for that time. However, I would like to think that the time I have actually spent studying was efficacious. In reverse, ask me what I have done other than studying and I will also have problems coming up with a straight answer. I have not spent much time on games, not more than an hour a week on photography and hardly any time on my blog. It is rather amazing how time just gets sucked away while one is doing nothing.

My health is probably going downhill too. Half the time when I wonder what to eat I end up taking away a brown bag from Hungry Jacks. I do not feel like cooking and even if I do I would probably cook and eat the same thing day in day out.

I need a shot of excitement up my veins. I just hope something pops up sometime soon. While waiting I shall resume my blank stare.